I can't believe i had it

Last night,i was shown something and i was totally freaked out.Deep down in my heart,i can 100% assure that that is not her but i can't believe i had doubts.I actually think that....


"What if it's true?"


I am such a jerk.How can i be like this?I had doubts about her.I was so ashamed.Then today the truth was out, it wasn't her, just someone who looked like her.I was relieved.But if i am relieved,means that i actually had a few thoughts of thinking that it is true in the first place.This is so bad.I am a jerk.I'm really sorry,Rina.As someone who admire her and a fan, I should trust her fully,something which i will do from now on.Trusting her.


Recently,i've been borrowing money from my mum because i ran out of money.Although i will return the moment i had money,the fact that i keep borrowing is not good.I feel damn awkward to say that i am independent bcos i have my own money but instead i borrowed money first.

I hate borrowing money.I'm so ashamed of myself.I feel like i am a jobless guy who still lives off my mum.

Well on the bright side,i've been having the same dream for the past few days.And it's always the same thing.The dream goes like suddenly i know Rina who is always wearing the Go-On Yellow Jacket.She know me,i know her.I always tried to get close to her but failed bcos there's another guy she is closer with.She smiles more with that guy.I rmb every dream i had was to bring food for Rina and try to talk to her.But i failed.Thats not the scary thing,the scary thing is that that guy face is fixed like a dreamy prince look.So bright and handsome but its the same face every second,never change at all,just like a photo.How can Rina be better with that guy?She's better off with me,the man with thousand faces,ideas,jokes and expressions. :D

That's all de arimasu!!!
Too jerkish nowadays.